Just too blooming smart.

I've been a BlackBerry girl for virtually as long as I've had a mobile phone. There's something comforting for a technically challenged person like myself to know your way around the workings of these increasingly complicated Smartphones. As a touch typist, the Qwerty keyboard is like an old friend.

Recently I decided it was time to get another phone for private use and to keep my BlackBerry for work, so, in a moment of frivolity, I decided to ring the changes and dive into the previously unexplored world of the iPhone. Well, the iPhone 5 is, indeed, a nifty piece of kit and has many whizzy features that I will never understand, let alone use.

I'm one of those customers who has assistants in the phone shops rolling their eyes and mouthing 'nightmare, hasn't a clue' at each other. Maybe not as bad as a friend who, in complete innocence, asked an Apple assistant or guru or whatever they're called, if you could make phone calls on an iPad, but almost. 

I text, I phone, I email, go on the Internet and occasionally take pictures with my phone. I don't play games, have no interest in apps (first time I heard incorrectly and thought they'd said abs), will never use it to play music, find my way anywhere, look at the stars, or do any of the myriad of other clever things that Apple has come up with.

The touchscreen keypad has been the biggest hurdle between me and my iPhone becoming great friends quickly. It has nearly driven me mad. I've been used to my BlackBerry being cooperative and accommodating and recording the exact word I type on a text or email. Oh no, that's not the way the iPhone 5 likes to operate. It has a mind of its own. 

Yesterday I emailed a shopping list and it decided I couldn't possibly want unsalted cashew nuts so it did its own thing, overruled me and declared that I'd like some 'insulted cashews' please. Huffy nuts, what a great thought. 

Then the other day it helpfully informed a friend that I was doing us 'grizzled salmon' for dinner. Clearly it's seen my cooking. 

My friends are now used to having to interpret my messages and those who have iPhones themselves are past masters, having been through the same thing with theirs. A text conversation with an iPhone owning friend can be challenging to say the least. 'Did she really mean she's got the bird? Oh, got it, she's bored!'

A friend who is an iPhone veteran has told me that mine will, apparently, get to know me over time and work out what I'm going to say so it can predict my words accurately. That I find rather disconcerting. It's clearly not that good at it yet.