The booby prize.

Is it a fact of life that women hanker after the boobs they don't have? Do women with small ones wish theirs were bigger and do those of us with sizeable chests yearn for less of a frontage?

I love the way women nowadays are so up front, as it were, about their boobs. I can't imagine that men chat so openly about their dangly bits as we women do about our chests. In fact, I'm absolutely convinced there isn't a man on this earth who'd be happy comparing the size of his accoutrement with another chap. I'm not saying we women get them out at any opportunity but we do seem to be comfortable talking about them.

This relaxed attitude to boobs has been taken to a whole new level - a friend and I went to the theatre to see Busting Out, not knowing anything about it but expecting something similar to The Vagina Monologues. How wrong were we? What we certainly didn't expect was Aussie actors Bev and Emma whipping off their tops and turning their boobs into clothes lines (yep, complete with pegs on nipples, yowzer); drinks optics and even glove puppets. Boy, never have two women been so at ease with their bosoms as those two. The rest of us sat open-mouthed in disbelief and awed admiration but with one arm protectively clutched across our chests, wincing slightly.

I went from no chest to va-va-voom frontage in what seemed like 0 to 60 speed when I was in my early teens and it was excruciatingly embarrassing. Forget A and B cups, I was in a C cup before I knew it and it continued steadily from there until finally settling in the higher reaches of the bra cup alphabet. Then, there was nothing I wanted more than to be a 30A like the other girls. PE was an absolute nightmare (all that bouncing around) as this was before my mother cottoned on to me needing industrial strength underwiring. Now, with the confidence of age, I'm finally ok with my chest and have realised it's as much a part of who I am as my personality and my curly hair. Clearly I like to hope that it doesn't define me so much that I'm referred to as 'that woman with the enormous tits'.....

Seeing as we women spend so much time talking and joking about our chests, it's interesting that the vast majority of us are walking around in the wrong size bra. I was lucky enough to stumble across Bravissimo where I discovered I was in a bra four back sizes too big and three cup sizes too small. No wonder my chest was fast heading for my waist. Those fitters are amazing, no tape measures, they do it all by eye, although for one heart-stopping moment I was sure mine was going to take hold of my boobs in her hands as if she were weighing them.

There are times when I wish my chest was smaller, zumba is definitely one of them. It was like those ghastly PE sessions all over again until I finally found a sports bra that can cope with the challenge, although it does rather resemble something you could sling between trees and lie in on a summer's day. It also has to be on so tight to keep the girls in place that when I undo it, it flies off like a slingshot and could take someone's eye out if they were standing too close.

There are positives though - a larger chest makes your waist look smaller and balances your bum. I've also recently discovered that it's a brilliant prop for a Kindle, look mum, no hands.....