Results time

Sometimes it's hard to be a woman, according to buxom warbler Dolly Parton. Well, I seem to have got the hang of the woman bit but this mothering lark is a different matter.

Yesterday was GCSE exam results day. Son number one had already got some under his belt and was waiting to see how he'd done in five more including the all important English and Maths. Let's just say he's now finding out that very few people indeed can muck around for two years and come out with fantastic grades.

I knew this would be the likely outcome so why then am I walking around like an unexploded bomb? I keep telling myself that in the scheme of things it's not that disastrous, he's got his sixth form place and he can re-sit English and Maths, but I'm still doing a mighty impression of Stromboli as it's about to blow.

I'm not even mad at him, although I have done the 'I'm so disappointed' speech which, I remember from experience, was far harder to take than a parent ranting and raving. I know he's kicking himself for wasting the last two years and not doing anywhere near as well as he should have, so, ironically, this may be the wake up call he needs.

I've never believed that exam results are the be all and end all but, whether I like it or not, they are an essential stepping stone and having decent qualifications provides choice and opportunities.

Do all mothers blame themselves when their child fouls up? Is guilt an inevitable by-product of childbirth? I know I did as much as I could over the last two years from out and out bribery, although I prefer to call it a motivational tactic, (£50 per pass) to downright threats (French foreign legion) but it didn't make one iota of difference.

I've been a mother for 16 years now and it's been a relative breeze. There's been the odd contretemps along the way but nothing major. Now I'm realising that we've reached the stage where what I believe is right for him is about to take second place to what he wants, that he'll be making his own decisions about his life and future. I hope that includes A levels and university and maybe it will, but it's his call now.

Every parent wants the best for their child but I can see I'm going to have to start learning that what I want for him may not be what he wants, and that's tough.