Horror story on the High Street.

This is the time of year when the opaque tights, boots and woolly dresses are packed away and I head to the shops to see what's in for spring. Most years I can usually find something to add to my spring/summer wardrobe and more often than not it's red or navy and involves stripes.

Well, this year, be afraid, be very afraid. I'm no style guru but surely I'm not the only one who thinks something has gone badly wrong? Having seen what's on offer I'm not surprised that so many other countries consider the British bad dressers.

Fashion appears to have gone completely bonkers and taken a plunge back into the 1970s but come up with clothes that are far worse than they were first time around.

Marks and Spencer used to be the stalwart of the High Street for good quality basics but I can only hazard a guess that someone smuggled in some very strong hash cakes or dodgy acid and the buyers were all off their heads and having technicolour hallucinations when they ordered this season's stock. I can't believe that anyone in their right mind would ever want to wear let alone buy any of these disasters. They're not even cheap, buy a top and skirt and it'll set you back around £100.

Biggest horror of all - the mushy pea green sack shaped top with inset gold sequin panels and, if all that wasn't bad enough, it's in that foul slippy, slidey fabric. Get too near any flame and you'd go up in a flash. (M&S Limited collection).

There are some gorgeous shoes out there - but these aren't them. Gold sequins again, perfect for that bad taste 1970s fancy dress party but little else. (Office).

Ah, the sausage dress. Squidge yourself into this and look like a fuchsia porker and, yes, that's a zip up the front and the fabric is ridged so it'll cling nicely to every lump and bump. (M&S again).

Anyone remember Showaddywaddy? Violent blue jacket with leatherette (yes, cheap and nasty pretend leather) sleeves and skin tight leopard skin trousers to complete the Shakin' Stevens look. And this is for women! (You've guessed it, M&S Limited collection again).

Now it's Star Trek. Puce yellow jacket with black seams, completely shapeless. Team it with the purple polyester pleated, elasticated waist knee length skirt that your Granny wore in her 80s.

Oh dear god. Cheap airline air crew uniform circa 1975?

Then there's the 'resemble a floral sofa' look, this one is courtesy of Sainsbury's Tu range.The camera has softened the colours in this, that yellow is actually a shrieking mustard.

Words fail me......almost. My personal favourite.Throw in short sleeves, pleats, a collar, waist seam, buttons and then make it in the most unflattering aubergine, cheap fabric going and this is what you get. Sainsbury's again.

I'm certain there are some lovely, stylish, flattering clothes out there but it's going to take some hunting to find them this year.