The art of flirting

I've just been told I'm an incorrigible flirt. It was clear from the tone with which this pronouncement was made that this was not at all a good thing to be. So it probably didn't go down at all well when I laughed and said 'goodness, thanks.'

I don't mind admitting, I'm all for flirting, in fact, I'm convinced that it's in very real danger of dying out in this bland politically correct world in which we now live. It's time to revive the art of gentle flirtation in my book.

Obviously there are rules, I'm not advocating the bimbo version, where the subtext is all about sex, all those long sideways glances, licking of the lips, chest stuck out, crossing and uncrossing of the legs and extravagant flicking of the hair. No, I'm talking about the style of flirting that leaves both parties having enjoyed a harmless episode of brief mutual admiration, without having felt the need to rip any clothes off.

After all, what is wrong with a bit of harmless flirtation? The very word is light, fluffy and smacks of fun. I've realised that I flirt virtually every day in some way or another, today it was with the courier who delivered my repaired laptop, just a bit of banter than made us both laugh.

This week alone I've flirted with two 16-week-old males who responded with lots of eye contact, gummy smiles and giggles and a chap in his 70s who called me 'young lady', told me I had a great smile and thanked me for a lovely chat. This guy was a flirting pro, he knew the rules and that I no more wanted to jump his bones than take up carpet bowls.

Maybe that's why flirting is fast becoming a thing of the past, it's become too associated with sex. Perhaps modern flirting has become shorthand for foreplay but that's not my kind of flirting. I like the subtle, innocent kind.

I'm not sure when flirting turned toxic. When did being a natural flirt become something bad, something to be viewed negatively? When did being a bit of a flirt become synonymous with asking for trouble, for being regarded as a woman who's 'up for it'? Probably about the same time that judges started making odious comments that rape victims who wear short skirts deserve what they get. Naturally there are boundaries that it's sensible not to cross, never flirt with a man who's had a few for a start as you're liable to get your tits groped.  

In the days when there were bank managers, flirting was always worth a try when you needed to get the overdraft extended, it certainly worked for me a few times. Maybe flirting is just really all about using our womanly charms to our advantage, subtle manipulation.

I'm a feminist but I'm guilty of having exploited men through flirting, usually by playing the helpless woman when something has gone wrong with my car. Then again, I really am a helpless, hopeless female when anything mechanical packs up. If it means I never have to change a wheel, then I'll carry on flirting.