What's in a name?

I've always had a bit of a thing for bonkers names, today's award definitely goes to Mariah Carey. What on earth was she thinking when she decided to name her newborn son Moroccan?!

That poor boy, he's going to go through life saying 'hi, I'm Moroccan' and hearing the reply 'oh, are you? Well, I'm English/American/Spanish.....'

And as for his sister, who now goes by the name Monroe Cannon, that sounds like something that's dusted down, wheeled out and fired on the Queen's birthday in Windsor Great Park.

Mariah definitely scoops the top award, previously held by Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin with Moses and Apple. That one set me wondering, will we ever see a Radish or Pomegranate? Then there's Nicole Kidman's Sunday Roast, I mean Sunday Rose.

Now I've got Victoria Beckham's latest addition to look forward to - going on her track record of Brooklyn, Romeo and Cruz, her daughter is unlikely to end up a Mary or Jane.

I'm not being sniffy, it's a free world and if someone wants to call their child after a nationality or a piece of fruit, that's their call, obviously. I've just always been fascinated with oddball names and have kind of collected them over the years, the odder the better.

My father wanted to call me Sinead or Siobhan to mark his Irish heritage but my mother pointed out we were in deepest Surrey and I'd go through life having to spell my name out. So they gave me a traditional English name.....and then took the h off.....so I've gone through life having to spell it out.

Then again, at least I didn't have to change the pronounciation of my name unlike the traffic warden I once interviewed - Mrs Hogsflesh - who insisted it was said Ho-flay.....then there was the blushing bride who became Mrs Bumpus on marriage. Yikes.

My penchant for amusing names started as a child with a distant relative who went under the moniker Ivor Hand. Later on I stumbled on an Adora Dick (I kid you not), Toby Jugjar, Holly Wood, Benjamin Germain.....

So, VB, I'm banking on you, your girl is going to have to be Malibu or Galaxy at the very least. What did I call my kids? Well, they're Stick and Puddle, naturally......